A Future of More With Less

Around new years I see articles and interviews about planning for the future. Resolutions, reasonable goals and the preparations needed to have everything we dreamed of having before. What about the idea of having less, for more fullness of life in the new year?

Having Less (things)

I recently watched an excellent documentary on Netflix called “The Minimalists“. It explores the lives and mindset of individuals who practice “minimalism”.  Click HERE for a definition of this term from the guys featured in the film. Although their paths to (intentional/deliberate) minimalism are varied they all reached a conclusion having fewer things was an important part of improving their lives. For some, the death of a close family member that they never seemed to have time to visit. For others, a meteoric rise to financial success. Then finding only emptiness and loneliness at the destination they had dreamed of reaching all their life. These individuals started making choices to intentionally have less an consume less.

Having less (control)

I LOVE to have control. I’m not talking about self-control that allows me to say “no” to unhealthy behaviors or choices. (that is a good one to have) I mean dictator level of control over myself (my emotions primarily) and upon closer look, I also want control over the way others think and feel about me. If I believe someone doesn’t like me or approve of me to the degree I want them to, I find myself motivated to take action.  Willing to sacrifice my spare time, my own emotional well being and self-respect in an effort to manipulate and control their emotions to the status I WANT them to have. It’s important that I make intentional choices to allow others to think and feel what they want. This allows me to focus on being responsible with and for my own emotions. It’s a huge relief to not feel obligated to (take care) of everyone else’s needs while overlooking my own.

Having more (freedom)

Having fewer physical possessions and fewer financial obligations = having more freedom. Specifically, freedom of how to spend my time. When there is less financial pressure, working overtime may not look as appealing as spending time attending a favorite concert, taking a walk in the park, or reading a book? The list could go on and on. In my own life, my choice to have less financially and materially resulted in much more fullness relationally. And much less stress trying to think of ways to earn more to pay for all the “extra’s”. The people interviewed in “The Minimalists” benefited in similar ways. More time for family, less stress, less harmful impact on the earth (pollution/consumption) and a changed perspective on what they value most in life. 

Having more (peace)

I am learning how to surrender control and understand what things around me I have no power to change. While taking these steps I am finding more peace in my life. I am also amazed at how much easier it is to forgive others and accept their choices when I stop trying to take responsibility for how they will react to something I say, do, or do NOT do. I”m certainly not advocating being a jerk towards others, or being inconsiderate. Think of the old teaching of Jesus known as the Golden Rule”Treat others as you want them to treat you”. At the same moment, I am not obligated to do everything the way someone else (or a society) expects me to.  Realizing what I am responsible for and what I am not, also helps me steer clear of unhealthy/unfair feelings of guilt that others may try to send my way if I make a choice that they do not agree with.

I am aware of some changes I could make in my life to better my future. But being aware isn’t the same as realizing change. Intentional living, deliberate choices, and sensitivity to moments of clarity and inspiration. Learning to respect moments of truth in my life and take action towards them has proven to be one of the biggest challenges! I’m looking forward to a future with less. Fewer things, less pressure, less stress.  I’d appreciate any feedback or comments about how you have managed to cut back to have a more fulfilling life!

I started my first business at 14 yr old. Maybe my age makes it sounds like an impressive accomplishment or just something to say for bragging rights? I can honestly tell you, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is “starting” and defining success.

capability

Thomas Edison once said, “If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.” Have you ever taken the time to quiz yourself or dream about this statement? The catch 22 is we have no idea what we are capable of until we enter the territory of the unknown. People seem to have no problem being “brave” and discovering the answer to the question “how much alcohol are you capable of drinking?” There seems to be little fear of the consequence of “failing” while learning the answer. When I was a child I watched many successful stock brokers, archaeologists, treasure hunters, and real estate moguls (including the one with small hands) on T.V.  I remember thinking, “I wonder if I could do that?”.

American Dream

I was fortunate enough to grow up inside one positive aspect of American culture often referred to as the “American Dream.” Americans seem to gobble up as many stories as possible about people who have gone from rags to riches. In my earlier years far more inspiring was watching teenagers who by a stroke of luck, or brilliance became successful in tech or trading stocks during the dot-com boom of the 1990’s. I’m not sure if it was my 9-year-old pride, arrogance, ignorance, insecurity or an open mind. But I remember thinking “if these kids can do this, I should be able to as well.” Any why not? Every success story comes from a baby human being, born ignorant and uneducated, right?

Starting

Starting. Often the biggest hurdle to any of my past success was the failure to even start. I phrase it that way on purpose. Failure to start is a failure. Starting something and learning after awhile that you will not be able to continue,
2 scenarios.

1.Failure to start=definate failure
2.Starting something and learning after awhile that you will not be able to continue=potential failure

What one will you choose?

SO WHAT?

I could write feel good headlines like “Quit my day job, became a travel blogger, now my life is better than yours” or “I used to suffer the 9-5 routine but now that I have mastered social media, I only work 1 hr per day from a penthouse in Singapore”.
These kinds of headlines are good and fine, but is everyone really looking to quit a “normal job” and start making a living from a computer? Probably not.  Often there are far more relevant headlines that I wish saw getting the same amount of attention. Our society is quite focused on money being a measurement of success. Until this changes, I guess we will keep focusing on these types of headlines.

defining success.

So how would your defining headline read? “I finally started going out in public with very little makeup on because I’m ok with the way I look” or “I got the courage to speak about what happened to me in my past” or “80% of my choices used to be dictated by what others thought of me, now it’s nearly 0%”
The point is that if there is something in your life you think you should start doing then do it. If it’s starting a business GREAT! Get some good books, read up about what you would like to do and learn from people who have done it or are already doing it. Work for someone (for free, if you must) who is a master in this just to learn the ropes. See what is done well, see what can be done better.

Virtues

If it’s about becoming a more courageous person. Maybe consider what steps you should start taking to free yourself from fear.  As Aristotle taught, one of the best ways to become virtuous is by developing virtuous habits. For example, courage. Each time you are faced with a small choice to be courageous or fearful. (even with a silly choice of trying a new food) choose the courageous. By doing this, in time you will have series of courageous choices that amount to you being defined and growing into a courageous person. Click HERE for a pretty great write up on his teachings.

Questioning

When I started my first business, a small I.T. helpdesk, and service company at 14 years old I can honestly say I didn’t know that it was possible to make a successful business out of it. But I intended to find out. I calmed my childish fears by saying. I have 4 years to figure this out then by the time I graduate I will have to be a serious adult, if things aren’t working out by then I guess I will have to get a “Real” job like everyone else. Although these thoughts seemed to pacify my fears at the time, they didn’t resolve my core fears of taking steps that most others in society didn’t often take or didn’t approve of. These fears would continue to haunt me for years. They would affect the choices I had to make in business, relationships, and life. I had some positive support from my family that I could try to do this if I wanted to. This certainly was a huge help during “difficult” times.

Commented insecurity

Most other people’s comments (extended family and often friends) only increased my insecurities if only temporarily. If I would have a slow week at work, comments like “it’s the middle of the day, why aren’t you working” or “I had a friend who tried to have a service business, but he was so sick of it after 2 years he quit” or even the innocent “I could never do that.” . These comments made it very difficult for me to stay confident in the fact that I COULD do it.

Fear & Doubt hesitation and regret.

A wise old man once told me, “Charlie, there is no room for unwanted house guests in your life. I asked him what he was talking about. “fear and doubt have been lodging with you too long,” He said. “Also their cousins’ hesitation and regret. It’s time you throw them out”. Certainly hearing someone say they saw these “house guests” in my life and defining it this way made me more aware to not allow any space for them anymore in my choices and though patterns.

Learn to define success based on your own desires and goals. Don’t get discouraged by headlines that seem impossible for you in your current situation. Likewise, don’t be discouraged by headlines that don’t reflect outcomes that would enrich your life.

The unsettled settler.